The Relapse

(Trigger warning)

I haven’t written in a few days, which is strange even though this blog was never intended to become daily. The truth is my ‘off day’ has started to become an ‘off week’. It’s not the work but the living in university accommodation, where I’m lucky even to get 6 hours sleep before a 5 hour day of workshops. For me and many people, their rooms and houses are safe spaces where they can calm down from the day and feel secure. When you live in shared accommodation, that can be taken under your feet.

Due to this fact, I relapsed today. It’s something I’m ashamed of but unafraid to admit (Ironic it happened on mental health awareness day). Falling out with flatmates on simple stuff like keeping the kitchen clean and then overhearing comments about you from others can have that effect.

But you know what? Uni isn’t about the awful people, it’s about what you learn, the kind people you find. Today I overran the negative from a fantastic day of workshops and movement, from the other flatmates I have who are so great to me. Today was another setback yes, but I will not let anyone get in the way of completing my course that I worked so hard to get. They can just bloody try.

Hopefully better news coming soon,


Here is my dog in the sun, it has no relevance to the text but he makes me happy.


My name is Gabby McLean and I am currently studying European Theatre Arts at the Rose Bruford School of Performance. Throughout my life I have struggled with anxiety and depression which is something many of us actors have, but in making this blog I want to entertain and serve to people regardless of your mental illness you can follow your dreams.

2 thoughts on “The Relapse

  1. Darling Gabby!

    Lovely being able to follow your progress on your blog. X

    Sadly, for us all, part of life is about experiencing both the negative and positive things in life and, human nature is one of them. We are all brought up in different ways, with different levels of consideration and mentality. You are one of the lucky ones, who has been raised in a good way and because of this, you will fall prey to those who havnt been quite so lucky, and who have still to learn how to be considerate and respectful. They probably don’t know anything different. Hopefully, in time, this type of person will become exhausted and realise that, they too, need more sleep. It’s times like this when the good apples should stick together and not be drawn into negative comments made by the bad apple. Quite often, the real reason for such behaviour is jealousy. Give it time darling and, who knows, this person may want to befriend you and you will be able to move forward. They too are trying to find their feet. It must be difficult and new for most students. The novelty of being away from home will inevitably wear off and the dust will settle. Try not to take things personally. You are the stronger of the two and yes, you should be proud of yourself being able to turn this negative into a positive by remembering how important this dream course is. You are so bright, clever and beautiful and this shines out to those around you. We all have off days/weeks/months but we are all human and this is what builds our characters and makes us stronger. It’s great that you can share with honesty your thoughts, feelings and experiences and I’m sure a lot of what you say, will resonate with so many other people. You will be fine. Believe, believe and believe.

    Try to enjoy the rest of today and tomorrow. Pascal is looking forward to seeing you. He’s such a darling. He’s a great listener and has kept me sane over the last couple of weeks.

    Big hug and lots of love

    You are beautiful💖💐🌻☀️🍺xxx

    Sent from my iPad



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