Back Stabs and Forgiveness in the Industry

Doing acting as a fun hobby since age 8 has given me so much happiness and many friends along the way. If it wasn’t for acting I would not have any friends at my old school and I probably would not have met my boyfriend. It is also the only hobby I can do and feel okay with myself in.

However this week has been one of reflection on that since I have completed my first term of drama school. I have also lost a number of friends because of my hobby. One in particular comes to mind. Her and I were very good friends for 4-5 years doing almost everything together, but after joining the drama club she was in without telling her she vowed to never speak to me again. This hurts me still to this day.

Many feelings are invoked when I think back: anger, betrayal, sadness but also regret. Something that brought us so close together broke us apart. I see now that she has done very well for herself, but my first feeling is one of jealousy that I feel guilt for. Someone who hurt me has done well, even a lot better than I have. How does one cope with that?

My honest answer is is that I have no answer. Well not really anyway. My mind has been so concentrated on her that it’s stopping me from succeeding. Why should I care how she lives? I’ve done well myself, I should be happy for me. But of course that is never enough. The fault isn’t hers but mine in that I can never be happy in myself, so maybe that’s my new goal to set, become happy in me not for other people, just me.

Whilst I may never be able to forgive her for her words, I do wish her all the best in the industry as she has worked hard to be where she is. In the meantime I’m going to concentrate on getting myself together this reading week and catch up on all the people I missed.

Treat yourself this week,

Gabby

Here is where I’ve been staying these past few days, it’s so nice to be away from all the stress and sounds of London.

Author:

My name is Gabby McLean and I am currently studying European Theatre Arts at the Rose Bruford School of Performance. Throughout my life I have struggled with anxiety and depression which is something many of us actors have, but in making this blog I want to entertain and serve to people regardless of your mental illness you can follow your dreams. I have also recently been diagnosed with High functioning autism which I have to get used to.

One thought on “Back Stabs and Forgiveness in the Industry

  1. I’m reading a book by Edith Eger called The Choice about her surviving Auschwitz. She says”Being a survivor requires absolute acceptance of what was and what is now. If we discount our pain or punish ourselves for feeling lost and isolated or scared about challenges in our lives however insignificant to someone else then we choose to be victims. We are not seeing choices and judging ourselves. I don’t want you to hear my story and say my own suffering is less significant. I want you to hear my story and say if she can do it so can I!. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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