Yes it’s me, I’m still alive and I still have this blog. Is it about time I posted something after that hiatus? Definitely.
It’s almost a year since I started this blog and the things I’ve learnt in my first year have truly changed me. Things like ‘how do you know if you don’t even try?’ And ‘how the hell do I save money?’. That last one I’m still figuring out. The one thing I still struggle with is anxiety, like, really bad performance anxiety, which is why this blog is still relevant!
(View in the Swiss mountains I visited)
This past summer has been slow, full of ‘I could do that performance thing, but I really don’t want to’ or ‘I should update my blog! But the post will probably be terrible…’ it seems even out of drama school I hesitate on so many things. It’s mainly not even my own expectations, it’s really what I think the AUDIENCE’S expectations of me are.
Whenever I am on stage, my mind is always on the audience, questioning if I look good to them or if I’m funny enough or if if if etc etc etc. It’s hard to be in the moment when you want to understand what is going on behind people’s eyes. Even writing this I think about whether people hate this blog and think I’m pathetic for writing it. But why should I care? Drama school is about self discovery and growth, people are more concerned about themselves than we know.
As I wait to begin second year, I’m filled with both excitement and trepidation. But this second year has a whole module dedicated to self motivation and personal growth, so whatever happens, whatever grade, I know that persevering it will change me for the better.
Wish me luck,
Also I met Tommy Wiseau, it was very surreal and worth it